I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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