That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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