Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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