yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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