she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize