She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
