you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
