i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
