the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
