I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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