It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
