Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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