sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
