I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize