I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
