dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
