He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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