I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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