dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
