But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
