now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone signed my nipple.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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