airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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