I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
