Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
as a side note pls kill me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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