you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
