She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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