worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
