it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize