I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
