The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
