well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
