I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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