i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
