he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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