I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
