If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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