So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
