I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
