I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
