she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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