in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
