You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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