If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
