Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
