Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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