my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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