His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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