well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
