id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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