I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize