What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
