She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
