kristin has been a bad kristin
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
