I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
