girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
