Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we're making bets on your personal life
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
