haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
