did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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