Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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