I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
