and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
