So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
