you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
