Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize