I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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