well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
