I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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