does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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