I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize