Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I lost the right to judge tonight
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
