we're chasing vodka with high fives
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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