just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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