Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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