im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
